I just need to vent a bit about this load of bollocks on the BBC.  David Cameron has said the UK is a Christian country, historically true of course, we have a national church and the queen is theoretically in charge of it as well as the rest of the country.  Thankfully however, the UK is not Christian in any practical sense, the C of E's influence is minimal and still diminishing, it is the church of 'Meh', the posh crockery that we dust off for special occasions of pomp and ritual but otherwise ignore.

As Mr Cameron says, our cultural diversity is something to be proud of but it has nothing to do with any Christian doctrine of tolerence, Christianity, like all the major religions, provides no space at all for its competitors.  Heathens must be converted, subjugated or wiped out, these are indeed the Christian values that helped make Britain what it is today, motivated its fighting forces and brought home the spoils of conquest, but that was centuries ago.

The values that allow us to live peacefully in a diverse community are entirely secular.

Before espousing a return to any biblical values I suggest Mr Cameron takes another look at the bible itself rather than the rose tinted, fairytale version most 'Meh' Christians vaguely recall.  It is a bloody violent, primative, and completely outdated manual for running a cult that has no place in modern society or government.

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There is no Santa Claus, there is absolutely no evidence for his existence. Santa's annual outing can be easily shown to be physically impossible as well as philosophically questionable. The idea of a home invasion specifically targeting sleeping children is highly suspect in light of some of the abhorrent acts of abuse that occasionally make the news.

Looking at the physical evidence. Santa's judgmental assessment of goodness or badness in children, in terms of material rewards, seems to be arbitrary at best and oddly weighted in favour of children with wealthy families.

And yet the legend of Santa persists. There are still people who believe in him. How is this possible?

It is possible because the people who believe in Santa are very young, naïve, un-aware of his physical and mathematical impossibility and his social strangeness. Most of all, they are deliberately hoodwinked by people who are in a position of authority over them and most importantly, people who are non-believers.

Maintaining the illusion that Santa exists involves work and expense, it isn't something you can do by accident, it isn't something you can do if you believe in Santa. You have to do his job for him because you know that he isn't going to do it himself.  Many stores employ sombody to impersonate Santa and speak to his believers in his stead.

Let's expand this idea to other, more powerful mythical persons whose legend also persists, contrary to all the available evidence or lack thereof.   They recommend or even insist on some morally questionable practices and their judgement of good and evil seems to be completely outdated or just plain twisted.  We know that believers go out of their way to ignore scientific or logical analysis so that they stay naïve and un-aware, and that they submit to authority figures who claim to have direct knowledge of their fictional friend and speak for him.  Are they also being hoodwinked by non-believers?

Is it possible to maintain the illusion of any myth whilst genuinely believing in it? If not, the heads of all the major religions, and the majority of their senior staff would necessarily have to be evil atheists, manipulating their simple-minded flock for their own ends and they must be stopped for the good of atheism.

My Ramadan escape this year included another rented bike and a ride to the Bulldog Bash, a bike festival organised by the Hells Angels with its own drag strip, custom show, fairground rides, adult entertainment, biker stalls and Status Quo topping the bill.  It was pretty awesome.

Guns to Roses, the only tribute band we saw on the first night were excellent and then on day two Bad Manners got everybody revved up and dancing before the mighty Status Quo took to the stage and rocked as I've heard they always do.  One thing I was happy to notice was the lack of cameras in the air.  In the UAE the audience at a big show is usually a sea of mobile phones and video cameras, maybe the difference was down to being back in the UK, maybe it was the average age of the audience. My favourite hypothesis is that bikers are the kind of people who appreciate the immediacy of a live experience like a ride or a concert and would rather be in the moment than recording it for later.

Perhaps serious bikers just wouldn't seen dead holding up a camera like they were at a Justin Beiber concert.  They probably wouldn't blog about it either...  I'll shut up now.

The end of the world is here again, this time set with some certainty and pseudo-scientific calculation for the 21st May.  Whether it's actually going to happen is a moot question of course, but what of the aftermath?

The 22nd May will see some red faces amongst the unexpectedly non-raptured, some of them will go into hiding, some will need counseling, for which they will probably turn to the same people who set them up in the first place.  There's also the worrying possibility that a tiny few may become suicidal or even homicidal, these people really need our help.

If you know someone who is genuinely and fervently expecting the return of Jesus this weekend, please take whatever action is necessary to protect them from themselves.  Remove all the weapons, sharp objects and rope from their home if you can, Pick them up early for church (it's a Sunday after all) so they can have the pastor explain why we're all still here and we still have to go to work on Monday.

I guess I must have been about twelve when my school organised a weekend field trip to France. I remember my teacher saying that this should bring about the realisation that French was not some dead or academic language invented to test us, that there were real people out there who speak it every day. This wasn't much of a revelation for me as I'd visited France before with my parents who both speak the language.

I do sometimes get that feeling about religion, that it must be a purely theoretical exercise in logical fallacies because surely no-one could really, sincerely believe this tripe in this day and age.

The feeling is wrong of course, there are actual living people who think that the world is run by an invisible man in the sky, that he loves them and he's going to torture everyone else forever. I don't think those people actually live in this day and age though, philosophically if not physically they are somewhere apart from the here and now where the rest of humanity exists.

It is not as though I never see a religious person in the way that we might never have encountered a real Frenchman as kids in the North of England. Religious people are everywhere but I just can't fully believe that they fully Believe™ because they live such perfectly normal, twenty first century lives, driving cars, doing a bit of shopping, using the internet to look at videos of kittens and so on.

I know rationally, that they really do believe and they've simply adapted their version of the all powerful, bronze age bogeyman so that it won't object to them enjoying all the advantages and privileges of modernity. But there is still the nagging feeling that they must be kidding... non?

This video goes some way to explaining the title..